Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, most of us carry resentment from past relationships. Dumping some of this emotional baggage is not easy, but it will open the space in your life that you need to bring in new love. But it’s not only our romantic relationships that give us emotional baggage. So, remember to think of all aspects of your life when reading this.
Are there people you need to clear the air with.
Are you harboring resentment, hurt or pain when you think of someone or hear their name mentioned. You can write a letter telling them you’d like to meet to talk about what happened or write the letter for yourself.
One things you need to do is put into words the positive things that person did in your life, what you learned from that person and your relationship and what positive qualities they have. Remember many times your negative feelings about someone can make you forget the positive things about them.
Maybe you feel guilty about something you’ve done in your past.
Again, you may not want to or can’t meet with that person. Write an apology, Be specific. You can decide if you want to mail it, or you can burn it or save it. Whatever you do with the letter remember you need to let go of the guilty feelings. You can’t change your past or the things that you’ve done to others, but you can take the steps you need to accept responsibility for the things you’ve done.
If you still feel pain in your heart when you find something that belongs to a person or a past relationship, then you haven’t finished your grieving process. If you still tear up when you think about that person or hear their name you’re still grieving the loss of that person or that relationship with that person. It’s normal to feel that way. There is no time-frame for grieving.
Each of us grieves in our own way.
It doesn’t matter how long you were in the relationship, or what kind of relationship it was, it depends on you and how you feel. Getting support from people who care about you can help as Charlie Walton says in his book When There Are No Words, ” Someone who loves you a lot wants desperately to lessen your pain.” This is something you’ll have to work through, but you don’t need to work through it along. But know that you must complete the grieving process to move on to new experiences.
This can be a short process for some and longer for others.
But dealing with this unfinished business will not only change how you feel about these people and situations, but it will also change the way you see yourself and you life.
If you find that this process if too hard for you or brings up things that you feel are too traumatic, I suggest that you seek professional help in dealing with it. Remember you need to be in control of your life and do the things that make your life better. Learn to accept your past and move past it for a better life. Working through your emotional baggage will open up space in your life to find love and make you a better person.