There is a difference between arguing and fighting.
Arguing means debating a topic without elevated feelings of anger. Fighting means protecting your ego and pride, and doing everything you can to be the one that comes out the victor!
This is why fighting is so ugly. Below the belt words are thrown out without thinking and feelings start to get hurt. A fight can stick around for a long time because of this reason. It can be hard to get past the cheap shots and hurtful things said.
For that reason you want to cool down a fight as soon as it starts and avoid the hurt feelings and angry words. Here are 10 things you can say to stop the fight in it’s tracks.
1. You Might Be Right.
Fighting normally occurs over a disagreement of beliefs or values. To tell someone that they are wrong in what they believe will always cause them to try and defend themselves in whatever way possible.
Try to remember that your partner does not look at the world in quite the same way you do and they also experience things differently then you do. They may actually be right about what they are saying or feeling – but even if you are sure they are not, telling them that they may be right will allow them to cool off and stop protecting themselves so hard. 2. Let’s Agree to Disagree.
You don’t have to agree on everything in life! That doesn’t give you an excuse to make them feel stupid or wrong for having their point of view. Their point of view is made up of their experiences in life and they are allowed to their opinion.
So try saying «I don’t agree with you, but we both feel quite strongly about our views so let’s just agree to disagree instead of argue about it.» No one wins in this scenario, but no one should get hurt either.
3. Lets Discuss This When We Cool Down
If you make your partner, and you, aware of the potential hurt feelings that could be coming if you let the fight progress, then you may both be willing to settle down for a while and discuss your views later.
Initially you may be upset about not being able to prove your side of things but chances are you won’t feel so strongly about being right later on and instead more willing to listen and compromise on your feelings.
4. I Can Prove It!
If you have actual proof of you being right then present it in a non-threatening way. Once they see that you are actually speaking from a place of knowledge instead of ego they may be willing to listen to your side of things.
This works well when the argument is about something silly – but has the potential to blow up into a fight. Like what time you are supposed to meet your friends for dinner or what time the movie starts. As soon as you show proof, you and your partner should be able to calm down.
5. Argue With Props.
This may sound silly but it works. Arguing is normal in a relationship but fighting is where the problem lays right? So as soon as the tension starts to get too much try using a prop (like a wig, outfit, silly dance that your dog does) that always makes the two of you laugh. It may help you relieve the tension and remember how much you two enjoy being around each other.
6. Listen To Your Partner.
Too often we interrupt our partner while they are talking just so we can start proving our own point. We are not really listening to them but instead are trying to find something they say that we can argue with.
Instead take the time to hear what your partner is saying, and really understand where they are coming from. Always wait for them to complete their thought before you start sharing your own thought. This will allow you to discuss things in a mature way which should lead to more understanding and less blame or need to be right.
7. You are right.
Sometimes when you are arguing you suddenly realize the other person is right – but you push that thought to the back of your mind and then you continue to defend yourself so that your ego doesn’t get hurt. I’m sure everyone has done this at some point in their lives with their partners.
As soon as you have the thought that they are right – admit it. This will put a brake on the acceleration of the argument. This doesn’t mean that you lost the fight, it just means that you were able to admit when you were wrong – and that’s admirable in a partner.
8. Remember That You Share a Lot With This Person.
You and your partner have a relationship that you can’t have with other people. You share thoughts, beliefs, and experiences with each other that make you the couple you are. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and run with the anger, but you have to remember who you are trying to fight with.
Chances are that once you actually look at your partner and remember that this is the person who you are supposed to make feel good about themselves, and who is supposed to do the same for you, you may be more inclined to not attack their intelligence and beliefs and instead find a calmer way to deal with the argument.
9. Ask Yourself
What Would a Person All About Love and Peace Do?
Seriously – ask it! Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa, or any other symbol to you of love and peace. It doesn’t matter who it is as long as you recognize them for being able to handle conflict without being mean and vindictive, and able to look at it from a loving point of view.
Most people respect peaceful and loving actions. If you are able to act in a loving way towards your partner while arguing then they should feel that love that you are giving, and the both of you can keep the argument inside a more peaceful bracket. This really has to be done to experience the affect it can have – but believe me when I say it works.
10. Remember That Women and Men Think Differently
Women tend to put a lot more feelings into their words. They want to be acknowledged and cherished by their man.
A man will get very defensive if you attack his ability to do things or provide for you. A man wants to feel needed and important to his woman.
So if you are arguing about something very personal to a woman and you make her feel as though you don’t care about her and her thoughts, you will automatically make her feel bad and she will take the fight to a new level of hurt.
If you are arguing with your man and put down his ability to do EVERYTHING then he is going to get angrier and more hurt by the second, and a fight will be unavoidable.
Keep in mind what your partner wants and needs from you as a companion and give that to them during an argument instead of taking it away. This will allow you to respect each other during the argument and stop the hurtful word s and angry feelings.